Walk-Away

In the business world, we often hear “take-away.”  Today, I’m exhibiting the “walk-away.”  (I’m hyphenating it to make it a named thing.)  That minute that someone negative puts on a smirk that says, “Go ahead, lose your cool.”  Because that’s their game.  The two of you don’t share the same objectives.  The two of you don’t have the same goals.  And you’re not going to get to where and who you want to be if you allow this person to turn you into someone you’re not.

Stop.

The best thing you can do right now is say nothing and walk-away.

It doesn’t have to be far.  It doesn’t have to be long.  It doesn’t have to involve any drama of your own.

What it does involve is you making the physical space to allow you to regain your sense of self.

Today, right now, is that moment for me.  You’re helping me get through it.  The you who is out there on the other side of a blog.  Removing myself from my office, taking a spin around the house, sweeping the porch, and coming back in to my kitchen, and the laptop, and you.

We’ve all been there.  It happens a little bit at a time, doesn’t it?  The slight.  The dig.  The unfair remark.  The intentional omission.  And the next thing you know, the other person says or does exactly what pushes your button.  They’ve been feeling around in between your ribs trying to find it, and then they do.

Perhaps you’ve made an effort at work to ask someone how their day is going, when you bump into a person who has been snubbing you.  And the person comes back with something like, “Well, if you would ever stay past 5 pm when the rest of us are still working, you’d know.”  When you’ve already been coming in early for days, as you’ve made an extra contribution, already.

Or, you manage to remain calm when someone is escalating their voice and their gestures, and then they jump you: “You don’t care!  If you cared, I wouldn’t be the only one standing here, crying!”  When they don’t see you trembling, as you try to contribute to an actual conversation to make things better.

By-and-large, for most of my career, I’ve been surrounded by talented people focused on common objectives.  I’ve been as lucky at work as I have been unlucky in my relationship with my parents, generally, or the odd person, occasionally.  As a direct benefit of having a healthy work team at work, we’ve each and together accomplished a lot.  Parents?  That’s another blog.

The symbolic walk-away walks you back to yourself. It’s what is going to put you in a position to logically and rationally identify and act towards “What do I need to do next, in response, to get things back on track to where I want to go?”  It might be a big repositioning, including changing jobs or relationships.  It might be a simpler fix like signing up for a local improv class to meet new people and work on acting skills.  Maybe you simply put a few words down and send it off to the universe that change is needed. Moving into space where you feel safe and your racing heart can still is what is needed, for you.

In this one minute, the simple win is the walk-away as the expression of self-control.  That other person is not my jailer.  I am free to leave and when I return, I will appropriately respond.  You cannot regret what you don’t say.  You will not regret the moments you take to return to the frame of mind that is as your wonderful self.  Take the time to calm yourself, regain your composure and focus, and complete whatever it was you walked away from.

Keep yourself aligned to what you believe is important.  Allow yourself the space to succeed.  Believe you can achieve your goal.  Complete the task with the negative influencer, and move on.  Instead of getting mired in the quick sand of dysfunction, do what must be done to accomplish what you want to accomplish.  Leave that other person spinning in circles in place.

The wisdom I can offer is that the walk-away is the pivot away from thinking why is this person doing this to me and into this is who this person is and this is how this person moves about the planet.  I’m not the only one having to deal with this other person.  And neither are you.  Get it done and move them on, out of your life.  The task at hand will be less pleasant than it could have been, if you were doing it with the right person.  It will involve extra work on your part, because the other person is off course stomping sand castles.  And, unfortunately, the outcome may be less than what could have been possible with the right team, resources, and circumstances.

Do the best you can, and then move on into space that will allow you to grow, blossom, and execute on the promise that is you.

You weren’t given a choice on this one.  It’s going to take a lot of tools in your toolbox to get through this.  Add “the walk-away” to that list, and wish me well, as I wish the same for you.